Im hurt my old friend im hurt

Dear blog, 

Sorry i abandon u for a long long time, as u know....i have a good time for these couple of years...my life is perfect eventho there was up and down but i still considered it as perfect...because i have everything my family, my friend, my love, i can study abroad....for me that is perfect...but people said that things not gonna be perfect forever.... one of them have betrayed me...betrayed my trust...cross the line...broke my heart badly...not my family because they always have my back...my love just broke my heart....its the most painful things happen to me for god sake.... btw blog sorry coz i only come to you when needed....but i know that what ever i did to u....at the end you the only 'person' i could trust and loyal to me....

Dear blog,

this thing started when we have a little fight which is for her...she things that this is small matter but for me...its the bridge to our trust...and from that fight, i think Allah want to show me everything, then its start to happen all things that i never know before she spontaneously say it...not just that...she said she bored with me..bored with the argue we have every time we spoke to each other...she said she need time / space / privacy on her own....y now?? y now?? she said it hard to give commitment to me but why now?? she said it is because of study...but why now?? she want to concentrate in her study but what she did these couple of years is studying and fact is i am same with her....but i dun give excuses like that....what are you trying to say?? when i ask do u have someone else?? she said no...why u become like this...she said she dun know...she need time/space/privacy... i dunno what to say...i think compare to when im in malaysia...she have much more commitment as she need to call me all the time....but when im here in melbourne...the only commitment she has is at night...tell me how was ur day...what u do...what u eat and everything...and not just that, just tell me when u going out...its not because i prevent u to go out with ur friend...it just that when something happen to you...i know what to do...know who to call...but u said this kind of commitment is to burden for you when all it takes is, just 1 simple message that saying "im going out now with my bla bla bla to bla bla bla" and 1 more simple message saying "hi im back now safely" and these thing burden her?? compare to before...she must call me, tell me everything...huh...dunno what happen to her...

Dear blog,

its hurt...someone hurt me really bad...i dunno where to go... even tho things for her....she things that situation has settle down...everything has been solve last night...but not for me...i cried last night my friend i cried like little babies...no one have every done that to me before...i feel cold, betrayed, back stabbed all of this things. the pain is greater when after this one thing happen...the other thing starts to happen...she said she will call me i got back, but i wait like 2 hours which is till 5am in the morning outside...cold...pain...i try to reach her in that time...calling her friends, but still cannot reach her...but at the end she pickup and guess what blog...what did she says???...."i charge the phone, then i fall asleep"...from that point i start to cry...why she did this...i wait her like crazy...with the coldness from the night...all she had to say is "i charge the phone, then i fall asleep"...damn i cannot accept that...i cried like crazy...didn't she think about me at all?? did she love me?? in the middle of a fight, we take a break coz she said that her phone battery is dying and shes on her way back from eating outside...but i wait like freakin 2 hours and thats the excuse she gave to me...ooohh she done it again...

Dear blog,

do u think she still love me?? for me i think not, the only thing that makes her stay with me last night because she know i have my final exam coming up, so when i say i want to broke up with her...she didn't want to...i dunno blog its hard for me to accept her because she want to build a gap between us...with all this privacy thing, space thing that i never had a problem with her this past 3 years....nearly 4 years....for me there is nothing private for us literally...so y now u need it?? whats the difference compare to before?? y u need to private things from me...and y u care more about ur friend bla bla bla hearts more than my own heart...ur what so called love one....i dunno...im hurt...badly hurt...this is the first time i feel like this...im vulnerable..

thanks blog for this moment...i know i can count on you...you the only one i can tell and always on my side...i may seems crazy...maybe yeah right now..im crazy...but ahhh u know what i mean....see ya


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